Papillon was condemned to life imprisonment on Devil’s Island. His meaningless existence was further frustrated by a recurring nightmare. Repeatedly, he would see himself standing before a harsh tribunal.

“You are charged,” the leader would shout, “with wasting your life. How do you plead?”

“Guilty,” was the only right answer. “I must plead guilty.”

The prisoner Papillon found out the hard way about the meaning of a wasted life. Yet, many of us create our own self-imposed prisons by failing to act on own our potential for a wide variety of reasons or excuses. What have you been missing?

Try different techniques. Avoid self-limiting attitudes. Expose yourself to new learning and mentoring situations. Get to know those around you a little bit better. Risk failure. Stimulate growth experiences and bask in the results.

Failure to capitalize on our individual gifts and abilities leaves us wasted and unfulfilled. So prisoner or free, the decision to grow or stagnate is entirely up to you.

The roots of the family tree often run deep, carrying with them both negative and positive messages that can have an immense impact on your perceptions, decision, and behavior. I was talking to a client about when to make a career change. We talked about the pluses and minuses of moving in a new direction. As we talked, he realized it could be an opportunity for him to change his own behavior. You see, he literally had inherited several negative messages from his father that influenced his outlook on life, work and personal fulfillment.

 “My father ran one of the biggest and most prosperous medical practices in my home town,” my client explained. “He typically had an incredibly long workday that started at 4 a.m. and lasted until around 8:30 p.m. When he wasn’t seeing patients, he was usually too worn out or preoccupied to join any family activities. Even on weekends, it was usually my mom, my sister, and myself who played together. My dad was either working or, at best, absent-minded.”

As we discussed his situation further, my client was able to accurately identify several factors that had impacted his life, career, and perception of success. These factors made it difficult for me client to know when to make a career change. Putting the need to succeed over self worth

“Whenever I received a “B” in school, rather than complimenting me on my achievement, my dad would comment that an “A” would have been better. Unfortunately, even receiving an “A” wasn’t good enough for my father. That achievement simply meant that ‘the test must have been too easy’.”

Utilizing another person’s definition of success and not your own

“As an adolescent I had a couple of very dominant hobbies that I was passionate about. However, in his desire to emphasize the importance of academic excellence, my father failed to acknowledge or further engage these passions. I think I have yet to get over my tendency of making my dad’s definition of success (good grades, money, material possessions, etc.) my own reality.”

Placing duty over personal desire

“I don’t believe my dad’s idea about the right thing to do accurately reflected what he truly wanted to do with his life. He always referred to his own work as something he had to do to pay the bills and put food on the table. He was the only son in his own family whose dad had not come back from WWII. As a result, his mom seemed to have put a lot of impossible-to-achieve expectations on him as the only male representative of the family. I think my mom also placed many unrealistic expectations on his shoulders. So, I think my dad, for most of his life, was performing for an imaginary audience with the need to present an image of success to the outside world.”

Never allowing yourself the freedom to fail

“Failure was definitely not an option for my dad. Had he failed, my mom would have divorced him and my grandmother would not have respected him. His two sisters did their fair share in pressuring him, as well.”

Automatically incorporating the dominant behaviors from a negative family role model into our own personal value system is easy to do. Although it may be impossible to ever eliminate them entirely, uprooting these barriers is an essential first to step towards adopting a new perspective or understanding that will allow you to create and fully experience true success in your life. As my client learned, it can be done.

1. Failed in business in 1831.
2. Defeated for Legislature in 1832.
3. Second failure in business in 1833.
4. Suffered nervous breakdown in 1836.
5. Defeated for Speaker in 1838.
6. Defeated for Elector in 1840.
7. Defeated for Congress in 1843.
8. Defeated for Congress in 1848.
9. Defeated for Senate in 1855.
10. Defeated for Vice President in 1856.
11. Defeated for Senate in 1858.
12. Elected President in 1860.
13. Remembered forever.

Lincoln became president because of the adversity he faced. A difficult marriage, bouts of depression and an unsuccessful term in Congress. From the depths of darkness, he was able to become our greatest president.

A reader who was going through midlife career changes sent me a wonderful e-mail sharing her story as she moves along the path to her dream job. I want to share it with you along with my thoughts about what she said.

“Believe me, I tried to love that job, especially because the money was so good. I realized that I was earning big bucks at the expense of my soul. Next year I will be taking a huge cut in pay when I become a high school teacher. And you know what? Since I made that decision, I have never felt richer and more surrounded by abundance.”

Most of my clients in a midlife career changes all have mortgages, bills, children and a standard of living they try to keep up with. That standard of living does keep increasing almost daily. We have to work to live. Earning an adequate amount of money is important and we all like having extra money that enables us to do or buy something special.

Consider this: If you spent as much time thinking about increasing your own internal sense of fulfillment as you do about taking care of and increasing your monetary wealth, how much could your life change?

What does your soul want? What does your soul need? Take some time to look at what brings you fulfillment. Look at what steps you can take to bring that into your life more. Money and fulfillment don’t have to be mutually exclusive, but they can co-exist quite nicely if you only make space for them.

Make no mistake about it, you’ve got to be in a position for success to happen. As someone once said, “Success doesn’t go around looking for someone to stumble upon.”

Take world-champion, basketball star Scottie Pippen for example. As a 6′ feet 2″ inches tall, 145-pound point guard playing on his high school basketball team, his prospects for playing college ball and, ultimately in the NBA, were amazingly low.

When the state campus at Monticello failed to come through with the opportunity Pippen hoped for, he ended up at the University of Central Arkansas under the tutelage of head coach Donald Dyer, as a work-study “manager.” Little did he know, Pippen was well positioned to learn and prepare himself by working out with the team and continuing his own skill-building practices.

Later, when he grew to 6′feet 8″ inches tall Pippen got his big break by making the team, averaging 23 points a game and earning a full scholarship. Even though his chances were slim, Scottie Pippen didn’t quit practicing for his dream career as a professional basketball player. His constant preparation meant being ready to capitalize when his opportunity finally arrived.

When you do something a certain way and continue doing it that way repeatedly until it becomes almost involuntary — that is a habit. As we constantly repeat activities, they can become an energy force that is increasingly difficult to change. Like Scottie Pippen, practicing some habits serves us in a positive way, giving us energy. On the other hand, some do not and instead, rob energy and opportunities from us.

Negative energy habits, just liked a blocked basketball shot, will limit you on your journey to scoring your dream job or making the job you already have your dream job. They simply will not support the future you wish to create and will serve to hold you back instead of propelling you forward. Here are four essential tips to help you get your positive energy game face on:

1. Find a career coach or mentor to use as a sounding board.
2. Take an honest inventory of the activities and people in your life.
3. Ask yourself if you’re losing energy when interacting with a particular person or engaging in a specific activity.
4. Make it an ongoing practice to remove your focus from the negative energies and increase your attention towards the positive energies and influences in your life and the ball to total career fulfillment will remain in your court.

As scholar, basketball star, and former Senator Bill Bradley reminds us that, “When you are not practicing, remember someone somewhere is practicing; and when you meet them, they will win.”

Doubt, lack of self esteem, failure, unworthiness, and indecisiveness are just a few of the painful inner demons and voices that can destroy your positive self image.

For instance, the creepy character of Gollum in the “Lord of the Rings” movie trilogy has the dual personality of an evil side (“Yes, my precioussss . . .”) and a suppressed positive sense of self that tries desperately to stay alive. When these two conflicting personalities clash with each other onscreen, it becomes easier to directly relate to what it is like when we are faced with the choice of either giving into our most traumatizing inner demons or fighting against them for our own sanity.

One of my clients was a school teacher who was making career changes mid life. He wanted to become a lawyer and was taking the California bar exam. His experience provided the perfect of example of how important it is for each of us to be diligent at the watch as the demons and negative voices invade our thought processes with permission.

“The demons are at the door howling and trying to break through the ramparts and into my inner sanctum. I have done pretty well in keeping a clear focus on the task at hand, but I can really feel the voices of the past echoing through the corridors of mind, saying hauntingly, ‘You will not pass; nothing you have done will prepare you adequately; why even try!’”

Refusing to relent, the client went on describe his successful exam performance this way: “I entered the forest, so to speak, and persevered, endured the blocking and ‘you can’t pass’ voices, and emerged on the other side victorious. If you could only understand how scared I’ve been to take this practice exam because of the damning and negative emotions related to its history, you’d know what a major triumph this accomplishment represents.”

Through our work together, this client who was making a career changes in mid life began to realize how hard he has been on himself about what he calls “this stupid test.” “Once I completed this daunting practice exam, I realized how difficult I had made it out to be in my mind,” he explained. “But after having gone through each question, I saw how unmerciful I had been toward myself as a form of punishment, almost.”

No matter what individual personal demons and negative voices continue to infiltrate the sanctuary of your innermost thoughts, here are ten proven guidelines to help you silence them once and for all:

• Think of ways you can be your absolute best.
• Focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses.
• Consistently remind yourself of who you are becoming.
• Have faith in yourself and know your dreams will come true.
• Challenge yourself to become all you can be, more than you’ve ever been.
• Encourage yourself to keep going as you continue to build and expand on this “work in progress” that will eventually become the “new you.”
• Acknowledge your successes.
• Remain unconditionally constructive.
• Allow yourself the freedom and personal grace to achieve greatness.
• Take a stand for the success you truly deserve.

When we hear the painful demons and voices, we must disagree and fight back. Turn to the truth of your innermost beauty and positive sense of self and focus on your many talents and the incredible character that represents who you truly are. Then play them over and over again in the theater of your mind.

The following is the story of a 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn’t understand why, after three months of training, the master had taught him only one move.

“Sensei,” the boy finally said, “Shouldn’t I be learning more moves?”

“This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you’ll ever need to know,” the sensei replied.

Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.

“No,” the sensei insisted, “let him continue.”

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: He dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and the sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

“Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?”

“You won for two reasons,” the sensei answered. “First, you’ve almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm.

The boy’s biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

Source: Bits & Pieces, August 15, 1996, Copyright ©Economic Press, Inc.

During the 1980’s and 90’s it was considered a badge of honor to be on the “fast track.” It meant you were going places fast. While everyone else was riding the stodgy “commuter bus” of life to an uncertain future, you were riding the bullet train to success. But whose success were you achieving? And was it worth the price you paid?

If you were a fast tracker, you didn’t have time to stop and smell the roses, spend time with your family, enjoy a hobby or focus on work that truly satisfied you. No. Every second was focused on determining what looked good, of the public perception of what success looked like and strictly adhering to that model. If that meant having a certain type of car, wardrobe, education, portfolio or job, you did whatever it took to get it and mirrored exactly what was expected. Unfortunately, the reflection that many fast trackers saw when they looked in the mirror wasn’t their reflection at all, it was a corporate one. And, as many people discovered during the corporate downsizing that occurred during this time, if you are cut free from the only identity you believe you have, it can be frightening to look in the mirror and not know what you see anymore.

It’s time to examine what is important to you so you can pursue the goals that will have true meaning in your life. It won’t matter what the rest of the world thinks or does at that point. If you forge your own path based on the driving determination that comes from within, you will have a greater chance of success and true happiness. As General Patton once said, “Lead, follow or get out of the way.”

Are you not sure if you fit into the category of a fast tracker? Take a look at some formerly supposed dream jobs I had and see if yours fit any of the following criteria: 1) worked for a credible company, admired by most people, 2) it was the best company in the world at what they do, 3) people respected and looked up to me because of who I worked for, 4) worked in a variety of overseas locations, 5) worked for some of the best 5-star resort hotels in the world, 6) traveled to unusual third world locations for work, 7) made good money and 8) worked with bright people.

Some of you might recognize the trappings: 1) faster pace of life, 2) material rewards, 3) admiration from others, 4) top company, 5) good money. Unfortunately, those of us who got caught on the fast track of life didn’t know how to get off.

If you’re like many people, the decision to step off the fast track is a difficult one because you’ve invested a lot of time, money and effort to get where you are. The problem is, as a fast-tracker you have no option to slow down, to rest on your laurels and enjoy the fruit of your labor. The fast track doesn’t allow anyone to slow down. It is a treadmill that continues to speed up and your only choice is to focus on what it demands or step off and focus on what would satisfy you. Albert Camus said, “Real generosity toward the future consists in giving all to what is present.”

It is a tough decision. Image, the public perception of who you are is a powerful personal motivator. It’s what makes many work 12-16 hours a day, regularly commute 2-3 hours one way, give up activities they enjoy and relationships they treasure. But then one day you realize the only way to hold onto this image is to keep running. Like a priest, you forfeit all other desires in your devotion to this god of success. You may be home alone in a quiet moment or caught in yet another traffic jam thinking of all you could be doing if you weren’t trapped amid a sea of cars. And suddenly it hits you. This isn’t the way you want to live your life. It’s time for a change.

Statistic gatherers tell us that on an average day, 8,838 Americans turn 13, 10,951 turn 40, another 6,000 turn 65 and 35 turn 100. So who cares?

What really counts is what we do with the information, wisdom and experienced we have accumulated over the years. A client of mine recently said, “It’s awfully depressing to be over 40, still not knowing what you want to be when you grow up or if or when to make a career change. It makes me feel like a total failure at this stage in life, when there are so many others I see secure in what they’re doing and able to concentrate on other things.”

This is individual is far from alone in his way of thinking. No matter how successful we are, everybody encounters failure on the job and life in general. But what so many of us don’t realize is that there are really no mistakes in life and what we consider failure can actually be a step forward to creating an empowered and passionate life.

It’s perfectly understandable why someone at this stage in their lives would see themselves a failure. However, when you fail or have to make a career change in later life you are in truly good company, especially when you consider the resume of this great American:

• Age 22, failed in business.
• Age 23, ran for legislature and was defeated.
• Age 24, failed again in business.
• Age 25, elected to legislature.
• Age 27, had a nervous breakdown.
• Age 29, defeated for Speaker of legislature.
• Age 31, defeated for elector.
• Age 34, defeated for Congress.
• Age 37, elected to Congress.
• Age 39, defeated for Congress.
• Age 46, defeated for Senate.
• Age 47, defeated for Vice President.
• Age 51, elected President of the United States.

This is the record of one of the greatest leaders in world history, Abraham Lincoln. Throughout his life, he suffered more setbacks than successes but because he never gave up his prize for perseverance was the highest office in the land. Other so-called failures include another famous U.S. President, Harry S. Truman who lost it all as a haberdasher and R.H. Macy who went out of business seven times before his store caught on in New York. Likewise, when Bob Dylan performed at his high school talent show his fellow classmates booed him off the stage.

When you ask questions, “When to make a career change – is it now or later?” The best way to answer this is to confront your relationship to failure. When we come to realize that failure is the instructive side of experience it becomes easier to see how much more in life is available to us and no matter where we are on our individual paths to success is an incredible place to be. Aristotle Onassis, one of the world’s richest men, once said, “You don’t fail until you give up.”

In other words, giving up is not just quitting, it is actually choosing to fail. No matter what your age or status in life never put more energy into not making mistakes but instead devote your maximum efforts into doing work that is truly meaningful.

Joel inspired, prodded, and challenged me to face my fears and patterns and supported me in overcoming them. He is both no-nonsense and emotionally perceptive, which is a great asset when you’re exploring such fraught territory.

Josh Weisman

A group of frogs were hopping contentedly through the woods, going about their froggy business, when two of them fell into a deep pit. All of the other frogs gathered around the pit to see what could be done to help their companions. When they saw how deep the pit was, they agreed that it was hopeless and told the two frogs in the pit that they should prepare themselves for their fate, because they were as good as dead. Unwilling to accept this terrible fate, the two frogs began to jump with all of their might. Some of the frogs shouted into the pit that it was hopeless, and that the two frogs wouldn’t be in that situation if they had been more careful, more obedient to the froggy rules, and more responsible. The other frogs continued sorrowfully shouting that they should save their energy and give up, since they were already as good as dead. The two frogs continued jumping with all their might, and after several hours of this, were quite weary.

Finally, one of the frogs took heed to the calls of his fellow frogs. Exhausted, he quietly resolved himself to his fate, lay down at the bottom of the pit, and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could, although his body was wracked with pain and he was quite exhausted. Once again, his companions began yelling for him to accept his fate, stop the pain and just die. The weary frog jumped harder and harder and, wonder of wonders, finally leaped so high that he sprang from the pit. Amazed, the other frogs celebrated his freedom and then gathering around him asked, “Why did you continue jumping when we told you it was impossible?” The astonished frog explained to them that he was deaf, and as he saw their gestures and shouting, he thought they were cheering him on. What he had perceived as encouragement inspired him to try harder and to succeed against all odds.

This simple story contains a powerful lesson. The book of Proverbs says, “There is death and life in the power of the tongue”. Your encouraging words can lift someone up and help them make it through the day. Your destructive words can cause deep wounds; they may be the weapons that destroy someone’s desire to continue trying – or even their life. Your destructive, careless word can diminish someone in the eyes of others, destroy their influence and have a lasting impact on the way others respond to them. Be careful what you say. Speak life to and about those who cross your path. There is enormous power in words. If you have words of kindness, praise or encouragement – speak them now to, and about, others. Listen to your heart and respond.